I have to say I've been genuinely shocked at how common severe stress semms to be among the BM forumites
Think it's commoner than you think - especially amongst 30-40 year olds which seems to be a lot of the BM demographic. Work expectations, trying to fit a pint into a quart. The ones on here that seem most content with their lot IMO are the folk who live abroad, which says it all really .....
If you cant switch off, sleep or eat you WILL have a nervous breakdown. When this happens all control will be taken away from you as you wont be in any position to do anything. So do something about the situ before it screws you up.
Happy pills are fine for a while but they tend to just put a lid on stuff so you just feel better about the $hitty situ your in until you stop taking them, then you realise your still in the $hit.
Last year I walked out of my well paid, great prospects job totally on a whim. I knew I was about to snap and was not prepared to let some bully boss disrupt my life. Cannot tell you what a relief that was,,, I didnt have anything to go to, knew I could get by for 2 months so gave myself the time off. Bliss. But I also now realise the office environment is not for me. Luckily the TA helps at the mo with my active, outdoorsy stuff. And when I go on ops in 2011 I probably will not come back wanting to do accountancy anymore.
Think it's commoner than you think - especially amongst 30-40 year olds which seems to be a lot of the BM demographic. Work expectations, trying to fit a pint into a quart. The ones on here that seem most content with their lot IMO are the folk who live abroad, which says it all really .....
Fcuk knows how I made it to 43 in the UK without going mad then?
Think it's commoner than you think - especially amongst 30-40 year olds which seems to be a lot of the BM demographic. Work expectations, trying to fit a pint into a quart. The ones on here that seem most content with their lot IMO are the folk who live abroad, which says it all really .....
Fcuk knows how I made it to 43 in the UK without going mad then?
You may not realise that youve lost it mike, as we all realise that you have,but just dont tell you.
Starsky, when you start to realise youre stressed your family will have known about it a lot longer,take a break and chill, avoid any sort of pill,and possibly the Dr,s,talk to people you dont know to well like us lot,but have experience of life,and stress.
Worked with a lady manager once, and she was great, but always stressed trying to please everyone,then one day somebody said to her, if you died today, next month youill be forgotton,as the next mug has your job.
The best thing I ever did was jump off the corporate merry-go-round.
Less money, less material shit but I got my life back. No more 60/70 hour weeks, no more Yanks dishing out impossible targets from their cosy penthouse offices in NY and a way out of the rut. Better health, great family life and time for me, my family & friends to actually 'live'.
Sounds to me like you already know you've reached the point where something's gotta give so you're halfway there. I was always scared that folk would see me as a failure & that I'd let them down - turns out I couldn't have been more wrong.
starsky, you've spotted one major source of stress - trying to please everyone else.
Thing is you can be assertive and nice at the same time (admittedly it is easier to be assertive and 'orrible though!)
Get yourself to the doctor, you are very likely to be prescribed happy pills and use this event as a marker to start changing things. Don't worry about breaking eveyone else in gently, if they care about you they will support you, and if they don't - f### 'em.
Bear in mind you are a lot more use to everyone (especially your loved ones) if you are still on your feet, so in a very real sense these changes are for them as much as you.
Like Nobby I've only had support from people since I made my changes, and doing something about your situation puts you back in control.
Happy pills are fine for a while but they tend to just put a lid on stuff so you just feel better about the $hitty situ your in until you stop taking them, then you realise your still in the $hit.
Although on the other hand you get a period of time in which you're actually capable of making changes. The trick is to use the "breathing space" wisely
Of course, there's always the alternative viewpoint. I've enjoyed my last few years of aimless difting, riding my bike and climbing hills, but it's also been oddly unsatisfying. Researching how the hell I'm going to get my Chinese girlfriend (and her kid) into the UK, and support them, leads me to realise how much stress and hassle I'm letting myself in for. Officialdom, jobs, re-training...oddly enough, I'm quite looking forward to the challenge.
Initial research seems to suggest that if you're a waiter in a Bangladeshi restaurant, you can cheerfully marry an illiterate 16 year old from your home village whom you've never met, then bring her whole family over on the next plane. However, if she's a highly trained medical professional with needed skills, speaking good english, with whom you've lived for several years, it might be more tricky...
Starsky, my brother was in a similar position and hated his job-despite being on v good money, car, mobile, laptop etc and tried to look elsewhere. However, whilst working 60/70 hours per week he was too knackered to even think about applying for jobs so after a ling chat with his partner he walked out of his job 2 months before his big White wedding.
He took temporary work building office furniture for a local company and told the boss he only wanted s few hours as he wanted to be quantity surveyor and neded to study.
He worked hard and after 3 months of research his boss offered to sponsor him to do all of his professional qualifications and 12 months on he is 'acing' his exams and well on his way to achieving his goal.
I don't understand the problem Monty, surely the rules are the same as in France: you produce a marriage certificate and that's the end of the story. The onus is then on the authorities to prove you aren't living as man and wife if they object to naturalisation. Have a look at Dutch rules if you get stuck. You can definitely live there as an EU citizen and finding work there shouldn't be too difficult for either of you - they naturalise loads of people and have a very high immigrant community. Once people are naturaised there they very often use their new EU passport to hop the channel and settle in the UK which amuses me greatly.
Do you want me to make sure about the French rules? I went through much of the procedure when I employed a Peruvian but her hassles vanished when she got married to a Frenchman.
I think that the problem with the British rules is the typical British way of applying bureaucracy, the rules are similar throughout Europe, but in Britain there is confusion and disinterest by the people who apply them.
I know when I have been unsure about when I should be dealing with the UK authorities or the German ones, a visit to the relevant German website, quickly gets me an email address I can send a message to, and usually get a straight answer within the hour.
The same process for the British authorities generally leads me in circles, unsure of which section I should be emailing, and automated replies telling me the conditions of which they will or will not reply, leaving me more confused. and usually one of the conditions is if I have contacted the wrong section I will get no reply. Not a friendly "you need to contact these chaps" that I get from the Germans.
