Sorry, that took longer than expected and you're getting the finishing touches after we've ridden the beast but here we go with the final fixtures and fittings.

First we need somewhere to stand;

Pedals

What?

The bit your feet go on. I've been riding flatties more since I trashed my ankle, but I'm still a clipless addict at heart.

Which?

Time ATAC Equipe Pro £150, RJ Chicken 01582 873329

Why?

I've ridden SPD's and SPD compatible copies since the came out, purely because that's what test bikes nearly always come with and I can't be arsed to switch cleats all the time. I've been wanting to try the legendary mud proof performance of Time's for ages though, so mid winter seems like a smart season to give them a whirl. And to keep the scooter in the manner to which it is becoming accustomed, our wallet took another stinging (yes, we really did pay for them - but thanks for the deal Cedric) as we went for the top line Equipe Pro titanium, in all it's ultralight glory.

How?

Very simple as long as you've got an 8mm Allen key (crank sized). Grease the pedal threads and wind them in, remembering that both threads turn forwards to resist crank rotation unscrewing. Time's don't have 15mm bolt faces but most other pedals do, so check which works for yours before you get home and get disappointed.

Then we need somewhere to sit;

Saddle

What?

Your saddle, survives countless hours of grinding away under gritty buttocks, gets bounced off rocks and walls on a regular basis, and we still want it to be light and comfy.

Which?

Flite Genuine Gel Ti £49.99, RJ Chicken 01582 873329

Why?

We briefly toyed with fitting our all leather Brooks Swift retro classic, which is just getting comfy after years of breaking in. On the plus side those copper rivets would match the Avid brakes, and we know it will still be going strong centuries from now, but even with titanium rails, it weighs the best part of a pound, which negates a whole lot of R+D weight saving elsewhere. As hard saddle fans (in case you hadn't guessed) we've always loved the basic Flite titanium for lightweight comfort but we thought we'd give the Gel version a whirl. There's a bunch of emdroidery (which we often don't get on with) and the gel adds 100g but if it makes a difference to our derriere we won't give it the bums rush. .

How?

Saddle choice, angle and position are a very personal thing so be prepared to play around a lot to get really comfy. We normally end up nose down, while others ride nose up, but it's probably best to start straight and level. Don't forget that sliding the saddle backwards and forwards can also have a big effect on not just handlebar reach, but also on how much front wheel grip you have for climbs and corners.

Rolling stock

What?

We still haven't decided on wheels yet or whether to run tubeless or conventional tyres, but for the moment our stand in pair of Rolf's need some rubber.

Which?

Panaracer Trailblaster 1.8 £ Zyro PLC, 01423 325325

Why?

We don't need much carcass size cushioning because of the soft and flexy frame, and so we can run lighter, thinner tyres. Most light, thin tyres are really compromised on survivability and traction though and we don't want to spend all our time tip-toeing round corners or mending flats. Thankfully Panaracer's skinny 1.8" version of the Trailblaster tyre not only has better wet weather grip than its more summer specific big brothers plus the same very fast rolling performance, but it keeps the Anti Snake Bite bumper next to the rim. All for a measly 420g. Hurrah - a proper lightweight tyre.

How?

Pretty much the same as a normal tyre, just make sure that the ASB rubber is sat evenly round the rim. Wrestling the tyre about once it's half inflated normally does the trick. As for pressure we've been running around 35-40 psi on these for ages with no problems. If you're a big rider on big rocks don't try extra pressure, just get a bigger tyre to start with.

Then we need to know how long we've been sitting in the saddle, how hard we've been pressing on the pedals and how far the tyres have rolled.

Computer

What?

Like those little peg and cog milometers, but electronic and a lot cleverer.

Which?

Cateye Cordless II £29.99 Zyro PLC 01423 325325

Why?

The worst thing about computers - especially with suspension forks - are the cables. All that ziptie and tape nonsense just upsets us and never looks neat. Plus we're probably going to be switching forks about till we find the one we like best.

We chose Cateye, because we've used them for years and they've never given us any grief, the display is big enough to read easily, and the new cordless version has a 70cm range to cope with longer forks and riser bars (on this note it's worth mentioning, the new long range version only comes in black, the coloured ones still only have a 45cm range.

How?

Once you've got the unit where you want on the handlebars, then fit the sensor to the forks so that you get the right close clearance on the wheel magnet. Extra marks to Cateye, for the 'one size fits all' handlebar and fork mounts but particularly for the new thumbscrew spoke magnet. Then follow the instrcutions to set time, date, wheel size etc. Again Cateye score points for actually having a realistic wheel measurement chart in the instructions but this isn't always the case. Check it by rolling the wheel along the floor and subtracting about 10mm for the sag compression caused when you sit on it.

Check the fastenings one last time, spin the wheel to check the computer works and you're ready. Be warned though, as with any computer, you've never gone as far or as fast as you think you have.

So can we go for a ride now?

Yes you could, but another five minutes spent now will stop your bike looking second-hand after only half an hour.

Yes kids, it's cable patch time;

What?

Little protective patches to stop jiggling cables from trashing your paintwork.

Which?

We've used all sorts of stuff, from black Duck/Gaffer tape on the carbon bits, silver tape on the fork crowns, sticky backed plastic on the frame and the proper Gripshift chainstay protector on the chainstay. There are all sorts of packs of scuff patches from the covers of old magazines, cards hanging in your local bike shop or even pimpy carbon effect ones from Pace. The real items look and work a lot better than Fablon (sticky backed plastic) or Sellotape, but making sure they cover the point the cables actually rub, rather than where you think they will/where looks neatest is more important.
Don't forget cables rubbing on shocks, fork crowns etc. either. We wrap gaffer around the cables themselves to slow down the abrasion, but make sure you check it regularly.

So that's it, with a few scrag ends of gaffer tape giving a somewhat ignominious end to the birth of Scoop's Superscooter, it's finally time to hit the trails.